The truth about me
by DivergentPansycake46
Summary: Tobias is hiding something. Something big. He tells Tris. She wants to scream, cry, leave but she is strong. They both are, especially when they are together. OS.


**I can't believe I haven't posted in English in months. I really hope this OS will please you! SraEaton46 asked for this one, I changed some things but I still hope you'll like it! :)**

 **The truth about me**

"Honey? Are you home?"

I don't hear any noise so I assume I am alone. Tris must be out with Christina. I walk to my office in our house. It is my space and no one comes here, not even Tris and we've been together for almost two years now. She thinks I work as a businessman with private documents she isn't allowed to see, which is kind of true.

I turn on my computer and wait. I sit on my chair, roll to the window and close the shutter. I enter my password on the screen and wait again.

The screen lights up with all my confidential documents. I open my mailbox, I have a message from the Agency. I read through it to see what I'll have to do.

Someone knocks on my door.

" Yes?"

Tris pops her head in the doorway.

" Hey!"

"Hi. When did you got home?"

"A few minutes ago. Are you almost done with work?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I thought that maybe we could watch a movie or something. It's been a week since we've been together alone."

I get up and walk to her. I put my hands around her waist to hold her against me.

" I am sorry, I've been so busy with work."

"Don't worry. I know it's important."

"I love you."

"Love you too. Now hurry up!"

She kisses me then disappears behind the door. I sigh. I hate lying to her but I can't tell her the truth, it's too dangerous. When I first joined the CIA, I was single and didn't care about what could happen to me and to my life. I didn't have any family. My mother died when I was four and I haven't talked to my father since I left home when I was 18. I wanted to work for the government and Amar, my boss, said that I was one of the best initiate he ever had. But now, I have Tris. I met her exactly one year after I got hired. She changed my life. She made me open my eyes and see what I've missed during my childhood. For the first time ever, I felt loved. I still feel it. I am so in love with this woman, sometimes it hurts. And every day, I lie to her.

I honestly thought of proposing to her, I think she would say yes but I can't. I can't marry her if she doesn't know the real me, I can't betray her like that. And I can't endanger her.

I save the documents on a chip and turn off the computer. I close the door behind me and go to the living room. She is lying on the couch, watching TV, but she looks sad. I walk to her and crouch in front of her.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Don't shut me out. You know you can tell me everything."

"It's nothing."

I put my hand on her shoulder, she lifts her eyes to me.

"Are you done?"

"Not really, but you are more important. I need to give you some of my time... Is that the reason you looked so sad?"

"Yeah... I... I thought you were sick of me and I was scared you'd yell at me for trying to squeeze in between you and your job."

"I didn't realize I worked so much. Has it always been like that?"

"No... but lately, you've been more tense and you're always working."

"I'm sorry."

I move her so she lays on her side on the edge of the coach and I climb behind her. I put my arm around her waist then pull her against me. I put my head on her shoulder and sigh happily.

"Here... it's perfect."

She giggles and takes the remote control. She decides to watch Hell's Kitchen but I don't care. I have my eyes closed and breathe in her scent. Her body melts into mine. Her body heat warms mine, her breathing is soothing. And I fall asleep.

I stir when I feel a hand in my hair. It moves slowly and I almost groan in wellness. I feel something soft against my cheek. It slowly moves up and down. I grin as I realize it's her breasts. I kiss the spot near my mouth and she faintly gasps.

" I knew you were awake."

"No, I'm not. I'm still sleeping."

"Don't you want to go to bed? You'd be more comfortable."

"I don't think so. They make such a soft pillow."

I feel her laugh under my head. I slowly open my eyes and frown when I see what's on TV.

"What are you watching?"

"Some report about the CIA and the SWAT. It's kind of boring."

She turns off the TV and stretches.

"Come on. I'm tired."

"Fine..."

We stand up and only then I see how tired she really is. Her eyes are small and her eyelids seem really heavy.

I take her hand in mine. We take our time as we walk up the stairs.

"Tobias? Can we talk tonight?"

"Talk? What do you want to talk about?"

"Let's go to bed first."

"Okay..."

I have to say, I'm kind of worried about what she wants to talk about. When a woman tells those words, it isn't a good thing for you.

We put on our pajamas in silence then lay down. She cuddles against me, but instead of putting her head on my chest like she usually does, we end up in the same position as we were on the couch. She strokes my hair slowly.

"What did you want to talk about?" I finally ask.

"I want to talk about us and where we are going."

"What do you mean?"

"We've been together for two years and we moved in together a year ago. I...I..."

"Listen Tris." I say, sitting up. "I know that you want more. You want a wedding, lots of children and a perfect life but I already told you I can't give that to you. I've told you this when we became serious."

"I know but it's been on my mind for a long time now. I thought that you could change your mind."

"I'm sorry. I don't want to."

"You don't want to?" She exclaims, getting angrier.

"What's wrong about that?"

"I've changed for you. And you won't even consider it, not event to please me."

"Why would I consider it if I know it will never happen? And I never asked you to change for me. I've always loved you as you were... Why are you so mad about that?"

"Because I feel like the reason you don't want to get more serious is because you don't think it will last between us. If I am right, please leave now."

"Babe, what brought this on? You know I am in love with you and you are the love of my life. I don't think we have to be married to be happy."

"If you say so."

She turns her back toward me and pulls the cover up to her shoulders.

"Tris..."

"Goodnight Tobias."

I know she won't turn around, whatever I say so I drop it. We'll talk tomorrow.

I lay on my side, thinking that I should tell her about my real job but it's too dangerous for her. But on the other hand, the lie is growing between us and I can't lose her because of that. She would understand that she can't tell anyone. This situation is so confusing!

I hear her cry and it breaks my heart. I know that I have to tell her and I will. She needs to know. I turn around and slowly run my hand on her back. I hope this is soothing for her. She tries to break free but I keep doing it. She will give in eventually.

I was right. Her cries fade. I move on my elbow to see her face, she seems sound asleep.

We'll talk tomorrow.

I lay back down and quickly fall asleep, today was a long day.

I wake up alone the next morning. Tris is already up and probably cleaning the kitchen. She always does that when she is pissed off. As I walk down the stairs, I hear the clatter of pans which means that I was right. She is pissed off.

I enter the kitchen, she is cleaning the counter top fastly.

"Tris?"

"I'm busy!"

"I can see that but can we talk? I have things to tell you."

She turns around with a scowl on her face.

"What kind of things?"

"Come on."

I offer her my hand, she hesitates a few seconds before dropping the sponge and taking it. We sit on the couch, her hands in mine.

"I haven't been honest with you and I'm sorry. But you need to know that if I withheld the truth, it was to protect you."

"What do you mean? Did you..."

"Don't assume anything, you will never guess it. I've always told you that I work in a building where no one can come in but it isn't the entire truth. I-I am not a businessman..."

There is a silence where she only looks at our hands.

"What are you then?"

"You have to promise me that what I'm going tell you stays between us."

"It's that bad?"

"No! Of course not. I trust you to keep it to yourself. Don't tell anyone."

"You're scaring me Tobias."

"I work for the CIA."

She stares at me. Confusion fills her eyes then incomprehension.

"But...no...you can't... we...we were invited to that cocktail party...with your coworkers..."

"They were all agents. If it makes you feel better, most of their partners don't know they work for the CIA."

"You lied for two years..."

"Tris..."

"No! I can't believe you would hide something so important to me!"

"I couldn't tell you on the first date either."

"You've had two years!"

"I protected you!"

"I can't believe it."

She stands up and makes her way to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

"How long? We still have things to discuss."

"A week... or more."

I jump on my feet and stop her before she opens the door.

"Wait, wait, wait. You can't leave me."

"I can and I am. You lied to me about this and for two years, who knows what you lied about too?"

"I didn't hide anything else. It was for your own good."

"My own good? Now what? You're gonna beat me too?"

I freeze, she uses this moment to leave. I can't think of everything else than my childhood. My father always lied to me then he beat me and then, he always told me "Thiis s for your own good." Of course, I would never lay a hand on her but the fact that she may think I would do it, makes me sick. I hear the engine of her car being turned on. I run outside but she is already leaving. I watch as she drives away, running my hands in my hair and pacing.

She will come back. I stand here, waiting for her to come back but she isn't. I have my phone in my pocket, she may call me.

When it rings, I answer immediately.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's Zeke."

"Oh...what do you want? Now's not the perfect time."

"Yeah, I figured. Tris is here, crying."

"She is with you? How is she?"

"I don't know. Shauna's trying to talk to her. What happened?"

"I told her the truth."

Zeke knows exactly what I am talking about because he works with me. However, he told Shauna a long time ago, she wasn't pleased but she got over it because they had been dating for 6 months and he knew she was the one for him.

I should have told her sooner.

"Give her some time. Shauna was pissed too when she knew. She'll come home tomorrow, I know Shauna's going to talk about the time when I told her."

"Yeah... Can you call me when she leaves?"

"Sure. I have to go, Shauna's calling me. Looks like I have to explain too."

"Thanks man. And good luck."

I walk in the house and go in the bathroom to take a bath. I don't know what to do, maybe it can help me relax. I never really liked baths but once Tris introduced me to them, I love taking one. Especially with her.

I hear the front door open then close. Can it be Tris? I roll a towel around my hips and go down the stairs. But it's not Tris, it's Nita, our neighbour. Nita isn't a shy one, she is one of those girls who chase every man who looks fine. A girlfriend or a wife doesn't stop her to reach her goal. I've never fallen in her trap and today isn't different.

She turns around when she sees me. Her eyes travel to my chest, I can see her biting her lips.

"What are you doing here, Nita?"

"I was in my kitchen when I saw Tris leaving and she was angry. I thought that maybe you didn't want to stay alone tonight."

She walks to me and puts her hand on my chest. I grab her wrist and push her away.

"Go away, Nita. I'm not in the mood to talk to you."

"You don't have to talk. We can do other things."

"Nita, I'm sick of you. I don't care about you. I'm in love with Tris, we're going to get married one day, we'll have kids and you aren't in the picture. So leave and never come back."

She is fuming but she doesn't say anything. She almost runs out and I exhales loudly when I can't see her anymore. I sit on the couch, my head in my hands.

"Can I come in?"

I lift my head to see Shauna.

"Of course."

She closes the door behind her then sits next to me.

"How is she?"

"Fine. I talked to her and she understand why you hid it from her."

"Why didn't she come back?"

"It's not because she understand that she forgives you. And to be honest, I side with her on this one. You hid it for too long. She'll come back tomorrow and you will be able to talk. I told her to stay with us tonight. Otherwise, you would have talked about it tonight and that's a good way to be more pissed off."

"Yeah, you're probably right. But why did you come over?"

"I didn't want to call you. You needed to talk to someone face-to-face"

"Thanks."

"I'm going to go. Send her a text later, so she knows you think of her."

"I always think of her."

"Then tell her."

"I will. Thank you."

"See you soon."

She leaves quickly. I'm beginning to get cold sitting in the towel so I decide to go to bed. I take her pillows and squeeze it in between my arms to have her scent all around me. I can't sleep otherwise.

The following morning, I'm working early in my office. I have to make up for the work I didn't do yesterday. I answer some mails. I open a new one from the Agency. I read it rather fastly to be done with it.

"Four... new mission...bla bla... undercover... bla bla... in love... wait what?"

I sit up straighter and read cautiously the mail.

"'For this mission, you're going to be a businessman, going on a honeymoon with your wife.' What the fuck? A wife?"

I continue to read. I've already taken Tris with me as a cover but she didn't know. I was on a mission but she only thought we were on holidays. I feel bad for this even though she had to be oblivious.

On the end of the note, it isn't said if I have to go with another agent or if Tris can be my "wife". I'll have to talk to her about this.

"I leave you one night and I see you again behind that desk."

I look up and she is giving me a small smile.

"I am so sorry. I should have told you sooner."

She walks to me and puts her hand on my mouth. Then sits on my lap.

"I was pissed off. I wanted to end our relationship the second you told me. I didn't want to come back. But then Shauna talked to me. She told me that she went through the same thing when Zeke told her. And she made me realize that you said the truth, that you really wanted to protect me. Zeke also said that it is the hardest thing to do...to tell your loved one. And I understand now. I wanted to be mad at you forever but I can't... Promise me one thing, though."

"Anything you want."

"Don't hide anything from me again. I can't take it."

"I promise."

"And can you promise me that you'll try to spend more time with me? Sometimes, I feel like I live alone in here."

"Of course. I am sorry you felt that way..."

There is a silence between us but she breaks it.

"How have you been?"

"I missed you... And worst Nita came yesterday night when she saw you leave. However, I told her to get out and I may have talked about a wedding or children..."

A smile spread on her face, I know she wants that.

"You did?"

"Yeah... I've always wanted to make you my wife but you had to know the truth about me before we take the next step. And that is if you still want me."

"Of course, I do."

"I haven't even proposed yet, don't move to fast."

She laughs and kisses me. I pull her against me so there is nothing between us. She deepens the kiss with her tongue. I stand and lie her on my desk, pushing every single furniture on the floor, except my computer of course. Her legs wrap around my hips, her arms around my neck. I bend to be as close as possible of her. My hands hold my weight so she isn't crushed. Our lips move together, I hope she can feel the love I have for her. She is my everything.

I stop kissing her and just look at her. She is gorgeous, laying on the desk and breathless because of my kisses. She slowly opens her eyes and smiles lazily.

"Why did you stop?"

"You're breathtaking."

"Tobias..."

"I know you don't like that but it's the truth. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Let's not think of that now." She says sitting up. "I am here. You are here. We are happy."

"More than happy."

She lays back down and grabs the collar of my shirt to pull me down.

"Come on, we were in the middle of something."

I smile and lean down. For the first time in two years, she spends more than one hour in my office and for the first time, I love her on the furniture she lays on.

She fell asleep a while ago, after we moved our lovemaking to the bedroom. She is on her tummy, her head toward me, lips slightly parted. Her hair are all over the pillows. She is perfect. I slowly take strands of hair off her face. She is smiling in her sleep.

I pull the cover up to her shoulders, I don't want her to be cold. I kiss her forehead before I put on some underwear then go to my office. I still need to work. My job is very demanding and I can't ignore it. I clean up my desk and pick up all the things I threw on the floor.

I have been working for an hour or two when I realize Tris is standing in the doorway, wrapped in the quilt.

"I can't believe this. You're still working."

"What's wrong with that?"

"I thought for a second that maybe, you'd changed. I thought that I meant something for you and that you were honest with me."

"I was. I just have a big mission."

"I don't care! You promised me! How can I trust you now?"

"Honey..."

"Don't."

She leaves to put on some clothes, I think. I stand up as well, scolding myself. She is right, I made a promise. I join her in the bedroom.

"I am sorry."

"I don't care." She replies putting on a shirt.

"Please..."

"No! My parents are coming for lunch, I don't want to talk about this now."

She walks past me. I groan in frustration, I forgot about her parents. I quickly get dressed but I take the red velvet box from the upper drawer and slide it in my pocket. I hear her in the kitchen but I stand in the living room. I have to hide this box. I look at the library and smile. I soundlessly move the books, hide the box and put them back. There's no way she'll look in here today.

I peak in the kitchen where she is cooking, slowly dancing to the music. She puts the chicken in the oven then wash her hands. She turns up the sound and dance. I love it when she does that. She doesn't care about her surroundings and she is beautiful. Her hair follow her movements, her hips sway, her eyes are closed, her soul is taken away by the music. I decide to be brave.

I snake my hand around her waist, pull her against me, take her hand in mine and sway slowly. She doesn't open her eyes, neither does she make a move to get closer to me. I know she could reject me so I appreciate this moment while it lasts.

At this moment, I realize that she could leave me for what I did. She could take her stuffs and never come back. I couldn't bear it. I can't live without her.

I bury my head in her neck and breathe deeply. I feel moistur in my eyes but I try to control myself. I don't succeed, one lone tear drop on her skin. She freezes in my arms. Only during a second. She suddenly hugs me close to her and whispers sweet nothings in my ear.

"I am so sorry, love. I never wanted to hurt you. I want you to be safe and happy and loved. I love you."

"It's okay, Tobias. I'm here."

"Don't leave me. I couldn't stand it."

"I'm not leaving. I love you."

I lift my head to look in her eyes. She has tears in them that can fall at any moment.

"Even though I lied?"

"Yes. I'll need a few days but I am not leaving."

"Thank you."

I gather her in my arms and squeeze her tight. She laughs loudly, it's like music to my hear.

"Put me down."

I do as told with a kiss on her lips.

"I think you owe me a long explanation tonigh."

"Yes, I will tell you everything you want to know. But now, I have a surprise for you. When are your parents supposed to come?"

"In hour or so. Why?"

"Come on."

I take her hand and guide her to the couch. I make her sit.

"Close your eyes. No peaking"

She does what I ask. I retrieve the ring from the bookshelf and stand in front of her.

"You better be dressed. We are not making love, my parents will be here soon."

"Of course, I am dressed. Are you trying to get me out of my pants, Mrs Eaton?"

She immediately opens her eyes. I am kneeling in front of her, the ring just under her eyes. She seems to have lost her tongue so I talk.

"I know this is not the perfect moment but I couldn't wait anymore. I've been wanting to pop the question for a few months now but you needed to know the truth about me. I love you very much, Tris. Everyday a little more. I also know that you don't trust me at the moment but believe me when I say that I've never been more honest about my feelings. I want to build something with you and this is the first step. Will you take the second one ? Will you marry me?"

She nods her head then crawls in my arms. She sobs in my shoulder, overwhelmed by her feelings.

"I can't believe it. I love you so much. I thought it'd never happen."

"This is real."

I put the ring on her finger, it fits perfectly. Just like I hoped it would.

We lay on the couch, her head on my heart, my hand moving up and down her back.

"And I promised my parents that it'd only be lunch, nothing over the top, without any anouncement."

"You want to hide it?"

"No way. You are mine now, nothing will ever make me take off that ring."

"I've always been yours. I'va always been the same person, a man in love with his woman."

"But also a man who can shoot a gun with his eyes closed." She replies sadly.

"I'm still the same person. You know that."

"Of course I do. I'm just scared that one day, you won't come home."

"I'll always come back to you. You are too important."

We share a sweet kiss when we are disturbed by the doorbell. Her parents are here. And now I have to tell her overprotective father that I am going to marry her. This going to be fun... or not.

 **I'd be happy to write an OS of your choice. I might try to write a lemon but I'll have a lot of work to do on this one to make it good!**

 **S'il y a quelques lecteurs français, sachez que je ne vous oublie pas mais que je manque un peu d'inspiration pour écrire. Je reviens aussi vite que possible avec un nouvel OS ! ;)**


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